he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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