Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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