dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
