Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
