Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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