why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
