I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
