I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
