shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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