why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
