he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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