go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mom said you looked used
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
