he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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