walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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