he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
