garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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