Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
