carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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