I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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