Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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