um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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