I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
