I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's always time for handjobs
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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