Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
