please come you make the beer taste better
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
