Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
