Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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