mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
