Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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