sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
