Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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