Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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