Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
