We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
two words: eviction party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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