I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
