Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
