Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Still dying that you shit outside
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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