smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
