Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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