I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
