On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
