I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
