WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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