Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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