If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
