After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
