Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
