see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
