the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
