i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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